I'm Back
You know that feeling when you go out and shop all day and you can't wait to get home and dump out all of your bags to admire your new fabric and notions....but then you walk in the house to find dirty dishes in the sink, clothes all over the place, and the trashcan over spilling? I call this feeling Impending Dread.
That's how I feel about writing this blog post. I've spent my morning excited at the idea of revitalizing my blog, redesigning the layout and sharing my latest sewing projects. But then I stopped to reread my old entries. I noticed words like "husband" and "Alan" and funny phrases like "user-error" and "nipple lines." Impending Dread sets in. These words/phrases no longer apply to me. I need to take a moment to clean my dirty house so I can spend the rest of time admiring what now makes me happy.
Washing Dishes, Folding Clothes and Taking out the Trash.
2015 was a hard year, probably the hardest year of my life. Here are the facts. In January 2015 I separated from my husband. By May 2015, I finalized my divorce, sold our house, and turned 30 years old. What can I say? Sometimes shit doesn't work out. I appreciate the time we had together and I wish him nothing but love and happiness.
I moved out of Kingwood (suburb of Houston) and into the Museum District. I was lucky enough to find a remodeled 1930's garage apartment in a price range I could afford while still having money left over for frivolous spending on pretty dresses and an unhealthy amount of Lay's Flamin' Hot Chips.
It was important for me to bring as little of my old life into my new place. I kept all of my mid century furniture, but I could not bring myself to hang up the Van Gogh artwork we purchased together. Even now, I still have a hard time drinking out of the vintage Kerr drinking glasses I collected while married. I have a closet in the guest room where I keep a box of my "old" life. I had to pack it a few days after the separation and it will be an experience I will never forget. I spent that day going through seven years of memories; carefully reading each letter, card and scrap of paper. Then I placed us in a box and it in the back of the closet; I don't know if I will ever be ready to go through it again.
I spent 2015 rebuilding my life as a single girl living in the city. I connected with old friends, experienced dating again (thanks Tinder!) and grew accustomed to sleeping alone. I spent a lot of my alone time crying or watching Netflix, or both at the same time. I took up cross stitching again to take my mind off of things and it really helped. I quit going out to drink my problems away and focused on staying home and crafting. It was at that moment I realized that I needed to fill my life with positive creativity.
Sewing To Forget, Sewing To Remember
At the end of October 2015, my favorite cousin Tina came to visit me. We were cut from the same cloth, Tina and I. We both have a love of crafting and nerding out. It was around this time I had decided I really wanted to get serious about sewing and art. I wanted to take up pattern making classes at the local community college and attend night art classes at Glassell School of Art. I mean, what was the point of living in the Museum District surrounded by art if I didn't take advantage of all the opportunities the area had to offer?
Tina already dipped her toe into quilting while I have never even attempted a pattern before. During her visit we went to the International Quilting Festival at the George R. Brown Convention Center. Talk about an eye opening experience. This one visit changed my life. Not only did I become obsessed with quilting, but I walked out of that center as a new Bernina owner.
Over the past couple of years I dreamed of owning a Bernina. Everyone knows their superiority in the sewing world. But who has $10,000 to $15,000 just laying around for a sewing machine? Not me, that's for damn sure.
A few weeks prior to the Festival I researched different sewing machines that I could comfortably afford. I didn't even bother looking at Bernina. I settled on a Janome model that had a couple of bells but definitely nothing to whistle about, the cost was about $2,500. I told myself that if i wanted to take sewing seriously, I needed a serious grown up sewing machine. It was time to reitre the old Brother I had been using, mostly because it was a gift from him and I felt the need to move on.
At the festival, we were on our way to the Janome booth so I could test drive my future machine. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe it was fate, but at that moment we walked past the Bernina booth first. The Rep showed us a demonstration on the B770QE. I held back my excitement at the endless possibilities this machine could do. I asked her the question that was on everyone's mind but were to afraid to ask. "How much does it cost?" Without hesitation she replied, "We are selling our class demo models for $5,000 with 0% financing for 6 years. We are including the Bernina Stitch Regulator with the purchase and the machine will be completely refurbished. Your monthly payment will be $84."
I believe the exact words that came out of my mouth were, "Sayy whhhaaa?!"
The next thing I knew I was filling out the finance application. Sitting in front of the model, half listening to the cute demo guy show me how to thread the machine. All I could say was, "I was approved for a mortgage, I should be approved for a $5,000 line of credit right?!" It was the longest 10 minutes of my life. Before I knew it I was walking away with an approval letter and contact information for my local Bernina Dealer. To make the experience even more memorable, my Tina got one too! We didn't get our machines until December, but believe me it was worth the wait.
I've spent the past two months getting to know my Bernina. I have found comfort in this machine. I have this revitalized thirst to sew everything and anything. This is where I am in my life. I sew to forget the ever present negativity that sometimes clouds my mind, but I also sew to remember how much I love to create beautiful things with my hands.
